Mother’s touch and care
November 15, 2008
Last Thursday, I applied for a vacation leave on Monday from work. I decided to go to our province. I kinda miss my folks there. So around 3:00 AM, I arrived here at the house. I slept at around 4 AM after my Mom gave me a soft massage at my back since I rode an aircon bus and the cold background in the bus triggered me to keep on coughing hard. I felt comfort after that. Nothing really compared with a mother’s touch. Hmmm… I really miss my Mom. I miss the care she always shows us eventhough sometimes we are being harsh to her. Sorry Mom, I guess those are just sort of “paglalambing”…. I know you are always there for us whatever happens! In good times and in bad times. You may have some “flaws” but I/we thank God for giving you to us and we are very proud that you are our mother. I/we love you, Mama!!!
My Horoscope Today = "LIBRA"
November 13, 2008
Rarely would I check my horoscope to any newspaper that I come across my way. But today, as I arrived in the office, I decided to bring the newspaper in my desk and just planned to skim all the news for today. I sit on my chair and as I kept turning every page of the newspaper , I got the chance to turn to Horoscope page. My zodiac sign? Of course, Libra. I was born in September 26. The seventh sign of the zodiac where the sun in this sign is from September 23 to October 22. The Balance. The Scales. That’s really me!
Ok, what is my horoscope tells me today? According to Holiday Mathis, Horoscope columnist in The Philippine Star,
” Life may seem to contradict you, to negate your rules and ignore your preferences. It’s trying to tell you something. It’s trying to encourage you to lose some of those rules so you may more fully enjoy what is.”
I was really surprised with this statements. For me, Holiday Mathis just got it right. It really strikes me. It’s like after not being interested in reading my horoscope lately, I never expected that having got the chance to read my horoscope again, it appears that ‘it” is really intended and belonged for me.
Though for the past weeks, I have this dilemma of “changing myself”, to change the things what I have been doing before. To ignore my preferences. In fact , it’s been 19 days now since I start to commit myself to do a lot of changes. I have doubted some of my actions until now. But kind of relieved and freed from my fears having read my horoscope today.
I kept on reading and trying to retain on my mind this statement, “It’s trying to tell you something. It’s trying to encourage you to lose some of those rules so you may more fully enjoy what is.”
So the “Rules” that I have been trying to lose for the passed 19 days is worth the try.
As I have said, my “ journey ” would be a long process and having faith and commitment to it, everything is possible to achieve….. surely!
my "love" story
November 6, 2008
…..I got an email notification from one of my “multiply contacts” account regarding his blogs. He shared one of blogs of his friends. It’s about his own love story. When and how it was started and how it was ended. I got this idea to share mine too…..Do I have to? Though I felt quite uneasy sharing all the details…That’s the funny thing. I feel a certain fear inside of me….What if others specially those people who completely knew me get the chance to read it. They would definitely get surprised whatever revelations I would be sharing and writing on my blog. But still my heart says “Do it”. Perhaps I would try to tell my story. I hope I’d be able to share what needs to be shared…..
morning thoughts
November 5, 2008
I got up early from bed. I did my usual morning stuffs. And before 7 am , I’m already at the office. I had my breakfast. Actually, it’s only 3 pieces of bananas.
You know, lately I have been trying to eat less rice. So funny of me, apparently I am getting concious of the bulge on my middle body part again. Yeah , my tummy is getting bulgy indeed. My waistline is getting wider specially my love handles part and I absolutely hate it. It frustrates me. I don’t know. I am just merely concious of it. That’s what I feel everytime I look on the mirror half naked and I notice the bulges.
I actually promised to discipline myself. Promised not to eat rice (even a pinch of it) for the whole week but it didn’t happen at all …. lol…. Consequently I got restless and feeling lack of energy…. There I go, I find myself eating with rice on my menu. … lol….. and last night, after almost 3 days, I guess of dieting and eating less carbs, I notice some improvement in my waistline, hmmm.. 1 inch, half inch?! …shaping better so far …. lol… but It’s only last night again I ate a lot of carbs again…I can’t help it..don’t blame me!!!..lol…
Well, just for the record, sometimes I also find myself not eating rice at all and I just console myself of getting a better results soon. That I’m doing good. Maybe I just simply watch my eating habits… d’yo think?
That’s it…
chaotic thoughts
November 4, 2008
I like to scream….sumigaw ng malakas … to swear words…. But that is not my personality….… Kelan kaya ako magbabago…or is there really something that need to be changed about me? With regards in dealing with friends, workmates, sa lahat ng tao … ang gulo ko..
I can’t organize my thoughts… basta ako ung taong ite –take na lang mag-isa ang sakit…. kahihiyan….lahat na… Just not to be told that naninira ako or anupaman… or ako ung taong I want everyone to be pleased para lang ok na lahat…Bat kasi ganun…. Masama ba akong tao? Makasarili? and I deserve this? … alam ko marami naman nagmamahal sa akin.. But pagdating sa sarili ko , wala akong kumpiyansa kaya lahat ng decisions at ginagawa ko , there’s always an errorr associated with it , feeling ko walang katuturan …. Ano ba ang
Anyway, feeling ko kagabi, I experienced the most shameful act about myself. Ang hirap i-kwento sa totoo lang. It’s very complicated and very personal on my part. …It’s really something that concerns my sexuality.
I did it because I was advised to do it. Just to prove something, you know. At siguro since I got excited and I pushed myself to do it.
I did it unknowingly I wasn’t ready yet. So what had happened? It was a mess. I got disappointed. Very disappointed, in fact. I degraded myself. I never felt degraded since last night. Ayoko ng isipin ung pangyayaring yun but it kept popping on my mind every so often. After the incident, my mind was so blank. Sobrang blanko talaga. Ganun pala yon, if you’re still on shock on what had happened, Tongue-tied ka talaga. Bumabalik balik of what had just happened. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano pa ang wisyo ko noon til I got home.
When I was at the jeep going home, I was planning of buying a beer at maglasing that night. Sobrang iniisip ko talaga na maglasing. Ewan ko why it didn’t push through. Pagdating ko, my 2 brothers were there. Alam mo un, I want to talk my problem to them. To get advise
Pero after nun, nag contemplate ako. Trying to weigh things out. I console myself. That hindi naman lahat ng bagay nakukuha sa mabilisang resulta. That I have to remember always, if I want “change” on me, it will be a long process indeed ..and what happened last night was just a basic move for me to know some answers to all my doubts. Painful and shameful ang naging resulta but I think that would not trigger me to give up. It’s gonna be a long process , so to speak. That starts my journey so far… it may be a failure or be a successful one.
One thing more, I haven’t tried and found all the possible answers yet, so I hope I’ll get over with this gradually and eventually.
